Knowing
by CLWN
Summary: They both know, but will either one admit it? After more than two years apart can Bella and Edward find their way back to each other? Sometimes, knowing just isn't enough. Edward and Bella. Exactly 100 words per chapter, more of a writing exercise than anything else. But I like it. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters.
1. Chapter 1

"Swan," Edward greets me in his normal manner as he sits down at my table in the buildings cafeteria.

"Cullen." I reply, not looking up from my magazine.

I know if I do, I'll see him in all his glory.

Smug grin, tailored suit, messy hair, green eyes.

I know he'll be looking all kinds of beautiful.

And I won't be able to hide my reaction to him.

Just his presence has my heart racing and my skin tingling.

He chuckles.

Although I know he doesn't find any of this remotely funny.

He knows why I can't look at him.


	2. Chapter 2

He's watching me. I can sense it, feel it.

My cheeks feel warm, I know I'm blushing.

"How are you?" He asks eventually.

Calm and controlled; purposefully unaffected.

"I've been better." I scowl, still not looking at him.

I'm annoyed that after everything, we are back to this.

I was expecting it, but it still hurts.

And I know we have to change it.

Because if we don't; we will be like this.

"Edward…,"

"No Bella." he interrupts me. "Not here."

He's right.

There's so much I want to say to him.

But I know that now isn't the time.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey guys." Tanya sits down next to Edward.

"Recovered from Friday?" She asks me.

"Not even a little bit." And although I'm answering her question, I'm talking to Edward.

I'm telling him that I have in no way recovered from anything that happened on Friday.

And he knows, because he sighs.

"I'm not surprised," Tanya laughs. "You were fucking wasted. Talking nonsense about people kissing in elevators and public decency."

I look up finally, and meet his eyes.

Mine unfairly accusing, and his knowingly defiant.

We all know I got stupid drunk on Friday night.

But he also knows why.


	4. Chapter 4

"And where the hell were you Friday?" Tanya asks Edward.

"I had shit to do." He shrugs.

"But we're still on for tonight?"

"Apparently," He nods, but he's looking at me.

"Great! Are you coming Bella?" Tanya suddenly turns to me.

"Um…,"

She rolls her eyes, "Alice and Rose already said yes."

"I don't know. I'm pretty tired." I lie.

"Jake might be coming." She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

"Come on. It'll be fun." She pleads.

And I sigh.

Because I know it won't be fun.

But I also know I can't resist the chance to see Edward after work.


	5. Chapter 5

I get up and mumble that I'll meet them at the bar.

"See you later." Tanya says cheerily.

"Yes," Edward nods, giving me a once over. "Later."

I stand, frozen by his appraisal.

Until he clears his throat.

And I know I turn embarrassingly red.

I quickly gather myself together and rush out of the room.

Back to my office.

Back to where I know Edward Cullen can't consume my every thought.

I work, losing myself in the job and forgetting the green eyed monster.

Until Alice pops her head around my door smirking.

And I know she knows something.


	6. Chapter 6

"Correct me if I'm wrong here Bella, but did I really see Edward Cullen giving your drunk ass a ride home Friday night?"

"No!" I pretty much yell.

Alice merely arches an eyebrow.

She knows I'm lying.

"Fine! He gave me a ride."

"I know." She grins. "And?"

"And…, it meant I didn't have to pay for a cab. Yay me!" I say with fake enthusiasm.

She huffs, annoyed. Alice knows there's history between me and Edward.

Luckily her phone rings, and she has to return to work.

Although she glares at me first.

I know she'll want more answers.


	7. Chapter 7

Four months ago, on my first day of work, I'd been running late.

I'd only been back in Seattle for two weeks.

I had to run for the elevator, making it just before the doors closed.

"Swan?"

I knew his voice instantly, my eyes widened as I came face to face with Edward for the first time in over two years.

"Cullen!" I gasped.

I watched several emotions flit across his face.

Before his features settled back into forced indifference.

"How are you?" He asked eventually.

Calm and controlled; purposefully unaffected.

And I knew then that I still loved him.


	8. Chapter 8

For the last few months,

We've been friendly.

We socialise, in a big group.

We're young, we like a drink and we have fun.

I haven't told him how I feel.

Until Friday, Edward and I had never mentioned the past.

I know he has…, the new blonde.

I know he kisses her in elevators.

And maybe if I hadn't got so stupid drunk on Friday and called him,

The past might have stayed in the past.

But I did.

Get stupid drunk.

And call him.

So now I know he knows how I feel.

And I know he's angry.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm nervous.

Apart from lunch earlier, I haven't seen Edward since Friday.

I don't know how he'll be.

I know, when I pull on my tightest jeans and most revealing top, that I'm dressing to impress.

Rose and Alice pick me up.

And I evade their questions.

The bar's not busy.

So I immediately spot Edward and Tanya chatting with Emmett and Jasper.

And the blonde.

And Jake.

Rose is on a mission.

She knows, by the end of the evening, Emmett will be hers.

And I know that if I don't do something soon, Edward will never be mine.


	10. Chapter 10

"Looking good Swan." Edward says. "Did you dress up just for me?"

His tone is teasing.

But he knows I did.

I flip him off and he laughs.

Like the jerk he pretends to be.

Tanya gets drinks,

We're all chatting,

I'm having fun.

Until,

"Well, would you look at that," Edward nods appreciatively, as Rose basically tells Emmett that he's taking her to dinner. "A woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say it."

The blonde giggles and whispers something to him.

But he's looking right at me.

And I know he's trying to hurt me.


	11. Chapter 11

I blink, stung by his comment.

I see the remorse in eyes, before he masks it.

Because he knows I deserved that.

I know it too.

But it hurts.

This is not the Edward I know,

The Edward I love.

And he turns back to the blonde.

I know he's not really interested in her.

I don't even know her name,

There's no need.

She won't last long.

I know from watching him these last four months, that this is all an act he's perfected.

But the worst part,

Is that I know it's me who made him this way.


	12. Chapter 12

"Would you like to get out of here? Grab some dinner?" Jake asks hopefully.

Emmett and Rose have left, Jasper and Alice are playing pool and Tanya is hitting on the waitress.

Edward sips his beer.

His arm is draped over the blondes shoulder, but his eyes are locked on mine.

Challenging me, daring me.

He knows I don't want to go to dinner.

Not with Jake anyway.

But he knows I won't say that.

So he just shrugs, and raises his eyebrows.

As if to say, 'This was your choice.'

And I hate it.

Because I know he's right.


	13. Chapter 13

"Come on Swan, don't leave the poor man hanging." Edward laughs.

Because I haven't answered Jake's question, and it's been an awkwardly long time.

"Sure, that sounds nice." I say.

And I think I smile.

I know I try to smile.

"So you two went to the same high school?" Jake is amused by Edward and I. "Small world that you end up working in the same building."

I nod.

Edward nods.

Because we both know that it is a small world.

And we both know we did so, so, much more than simply go to the same high school.


	14. Chapter 14

"Swan." Edward plopped down in the chair next to mine.

He's greeted me this way since the very first day of junior high last month.

"Cullen." I smile.

I know we sound formal, but he's my best friend.

"We should go on a date," He states without preamble.

"Really?" I say, because I'm shocked. Edward could date anyone and he never has.

"Yeah, I mean, you're beautiful, smart, we get along. We should date."

"Ok." I say, because he's right, we get along, he's smart, and he's obscenely beautiful.

And I know I could easily fall in love with him.


	15. Chapter 15

"So, how long do you think Blondie will last?" Jake asks.

And I snort,

Because I'm classy.

We've left the bar and gone for pizza.

"I give her another week or so." I shrug, trying to sound flippant.

I was hoping dinner with Jake would help distract me from Edward.

I'm just not that lucky though.

"I've never met anyone more afraid of commitment." Jake laughs.

But I can't.

I know that wasn't always the case.

"According to Tanya, he's never had a relationship that lasted over a month."

And that hurts my heart.

Because I know that's not true.


	16. Chapter 16

Jake's talking about…, something,

I don't know what.

Because I'm not listening.

I'm thinking about Friday night,

About Edward.

He knows I love him.

I didn't tell him,

He just knows.

But knowing's not enough, not anymore.

He needs to hear me to say it.

I know it has to be me that says it first.

I owe him that.

That's why he acted the way he did today.

He's protecting himself,

From me.

On Friday he opened himself up,

He gave me the chance to tell him,

But I didn't.

And I know I hurt him all over again.


	17. Chapter 17

"Why did you come Cullen?" I slur.

It's Friday night,

He's driving me home.

And right now it makes no sense to me.

"You asked me to come get you." He frowns, he's confused.

"Yes, but why did you come?" I say again, because I somehow think this will make what I'm really asking clearer.

And it does.

He's silent for a good long time.

Until finally.

"You know why Swan."

But I don't.

Because I'm drunk,

And stupid.

So I say "I really don't."

But even stupid drunk,

As soon as I say it,

I know I shouldn't have.


	18. Chapter 18

"Why did you drink so much tonight?" He asks me.

"I…," I gesture wildly, drunkenly. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" He snorts disbelievingly.

"Ok, so why did you call me?"

And I don't want to tell him I was jealous when I saw him kissing the blonde in the elevator earlier.

I don't want to tell him that I got drunk to try and forget what I saw.

I can't tell him that I called him because I love him.

Not now.

Not like this.

So I tell him again. "I don't know."

And he knows it's a lie.


	19. Chapter 19

"You do know!" He's angry.

Fists clenched, jaw tight, eyes blazing.

He's never looked more beautiful.

We're at my apartment now,

He's pacing,

And telling me what he knows.

"I know why you don't date."

"I know why you can't always look at me."

"I know why you got drunk tonight."

"And I know why you called me."

He stops pacing and looks at me.

Eyes full of the hurt I caused.

"I know Bella,"

"So why, after all this time, are you still telling me you don't?"

And I'm stunned,

Because he knows,

He knows that I love him.


	20. Chapter 20

I thought he was done.

But he's not.

There's more.

"If you thought about it for just one second, you would know."

"You'd know why I've only casually dated for the last two years."

"You'd know why I can't get attached."

"And you'd know why I came to get you tonight."

"But it shouldn't be me that has to say it. That's not fair."

"Because this was never my choice."

"You know I never wanted this,"

"And you know why."

And I hear what he's really saying.

He loves me,

He always has.

And he's right.

I do know that.


	21. Chapter 21

"Why did you call me tonight Swan?" He asks again.

"You know why." I whisper.

"I need you to tell me Bella. You have to say it."

It might be the most honest, real thing he's said to me in the last four months.

And I wish I hadn't got so drunk.

Because there's so much I need to say,

But I can't find the right words.

I know I have to say sorry,

That I was wrong,

That now I know.

But this is not how I want to tell him I love him.

I know he deserves better.


	22. Chapter 22

He was my first.

First kiss.

First boyfriend.

First time.

He was my everything.

And I was his.

In high school we were inseparable.

Through college we were happy.

We lived together.

But when he proposed.

We were twenty-two.

And I didn't know if we'd experienced enough of the world to know we were forever.

So I said no.

I didn't mean never,

I meant not now.

But Edward couldn't see that,

He didn't understand.

He was so sure of us,

It broke his heart that I wasn't.

I never wanted to hurt him.

But back then,

I didn't know.


	23. Chapter 23

"You left." He says.

It's true,

I did.

He said he didn't want anyone else, he knew he only wanted me.

And I thought at the time, he couldn't really know that.

That he deserved to find out for himself too.

So I left,

I moved across the country.

"It was the right thing to do."

And I know that's not what I should say.

But I'm drunk.

So that's what comes out.

"I can't do this again." He mutters.

And he walks out of the door.

And I know that it's down to me to fix this, fix us.


	24. Chapter 24

So now it's Monday night,

And I'm sitting here having dinner with Jake.

He's still talking,

And I'm still not listening.

We've met several times when I've been out with Tanya.

He's her older brother.

I know a lot about him.

I know that he is decent and funny and would make a great boyfriend.

And I know he wants us to be more than friends.

But I know I don't want that.

Because I want Edward,

I love Edward.

And I need to tell him that.

Because I know if I wait too long he'll give up on me.


	25. Chapter 25

"I have to go." I tell Jake urgently, he looks startled.

But I'm leaving,

I'm jumping into a cab and going to Edward's house.

And I'm really hoping he didn't take the blonde home,

Because that will be awkward.

I can't wait any longer,

I need to tell him that I was wrong.

I need to tell him what I know.

That he's it for me.

It was always him.

That what we had back then was real.

I just didn't know.

But I do now.

And I need to tell him.

That I know I love him.

I know.


	26. Chapter 26

"What are you doing here Swan?" Edward asks when he opens his door.

His face is blank, unreadable.

"Can I come in?"

He pulls the door open fully, silently inviting me in.

I walk into his living room,

It's my turn to pace.

He's just watching me.

"Are you alone? Is…., the blonde here?"

He looks disappointed.

"Did you come here just to ask me that?"

"No, I didn't,"

That's not why I came.

"But…," I don't want to do this if she's here.

"She's not here Bella."

And I'm so relieved,

Because I know that this is my chance.


	27. Chapter 27

So I just say it,

"I came to tell you I know I love you Edward."

He's shocked,

And I know he's about to argue so I hurry on.

"I'm sorry, so sorry,"

"I was wrong,"

"But I needed to know for myself."

I'm begging him to understand why I did what I did.

"And I want us,"

"I want to go back to being us again."

"Because it's you I love."

"It's only ever been you."

"I love you Edward, I always have."

And I want to cry.

Because I know I should have said all this before now.


	28. Chapter 28

Edward's just staring at me,

I'm fidgeting nervously,

Because I don't know what else I can say.

I can apologise again and again,

And I would if I thought it would help.

But I need him to say something.

Anything.

He doesn't.

He walks towards me slowly,

And when he reaches me,

He pulls me into his arms,

And hugs me,

Hard.

I hold him just as tightly,

This is so much better than anything he could say.

I know we have a lot to talk about,

But that can wait.

Because right now,

I know we both need this.


	29. Chapter 29

He loosens his hold,

Pulling back a little bit.

I think he's going to kiss me,

But he doesn't.

"You mean it Bella? You're sure?"

And I look him in the eyes.

Hoping he'll see the truth in mine.

"I'm so sure Edward."

"I love you."

He smiles, so beautifully,

I'm smiling too.

Because I'm back in his arms,

Back where I belong.

And I'm thinking this moment couldn't get any better.

But it does.

"I love you Swan."

Then he kisses me,

Softly on the lips.

And it's everything,

Because I know he's willing to give us another chance.


	30. Chapter 30

We talk,

Well into the night,

About the two years we spent apart,

We each have stories of casual dating,

Of trying and failing to find anything that came close to what we'd had together.

And I feel so guilty that I caused us to miss out on those years.

Edward understands though,

He knows if I hadn't left back then,

I always would've wondered.

We hash it all out,

It's the only way to move forward.

And then we kiss some more.

But we leave it at that.

Because it's enough for now.

We both know we have forever.


	31. Chapter 31

Edward and I try to take things slow,

To date each other,

Get to know one another again.

But it's difficult.

We were best friends,

We started dating at sixteen,

And we used to live together.

We already know each other.

But we do try,

Because it would be so easy to pick up where we left off,

Jump right back into our relationship,

And we need some time to reconnect.

We both know we're in this forever,

There's no rush,

So we've not taken our relationship further,

But I don't know how much longer either of us can wait.


	32. Chapter 32

It's been a month,

We're at his house.

He's kissing me.

"Edward…, please?"

And I know he understands what I'm asking.

Because as soon as I say it,

Our clothes are coming off.

And he's over me,

Around me,

In me,

Loving me,

Like he always has.

I'm lost in sensation,

And we fall apart together.

Breathless, sated, happy.

I am completely in love with this man.

Nothing, nobody, has ever, could ever, make me feel the way he does.

We are perfect together.

And I know I should tell him.

But Edward already knows we're perfect.

He's always known.


	33. Epilogue

"Swan." Edward calls as he walks through the door.

"Shhhh, Cullen," I whisper from the sofa.

I'm nursing our daughter.

"And I haven't been Swan for a while." I add smiling.

It's true,

We're married,

Officially I'm a Cullen.

"You'll always be Swan." he laughs.

And I know Swan will stick forever.

It reminds me of that first day junior year,

It reminds me of that day in the elevator,

It reminds me of everything that got us here.

And I know that if anyone can make it,

It's us.

Because I know what we have is the real thing.


	34. AN

So that's the end!

I just wanted to pop by and say a huge thank you to everyone who read.

To those that reviewed, it honestly meant the world to me.

And I'm sorry for not replying to everyone.

I'm a talker, so condensing chapters for this little 'experiment' was hard.

I wanted the chapters to be a hundred words, which is why I haven't written a note before now.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

And yeah, this author's note is a hundred words too. Appeals to the OCD in me!


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